Dear Mr Editor, Could you please tell me where the other Majorca is? It sounds just the sort of place to re-locate to before this one makes the quantum leap backwards thirty years or so, and Antonia Munar's 32'000'000 ptas publicity campaign “Now it is all yours” (if you are Majorcan) becomes a fact and not merely the unimaginable nightmare delusion of another retrospective nationalist.

I have no reason to doubt the statistics supplied to you by various Government institutions of the other island (watch my lips, would I lie to you?) where the construction industry is booming and the tourist industry is licking its lips in anticipation of another record year. Visitors are begging to pay a tourist tax, foreign investment is encouraged, Catalan is not being forced on the indigenous and resident foreign population, the Government are merely answering the clamorous call of the masses, ”a tourist a friend” is the catch-phrase on everybody's lips. There is no retrospective legislation and Germans are welcomed as fellow Europeans (not criminals hiding from Hacienda in the depths of the huge illegal bunkers they have built). The real estate market is set to reach targets that make downtown Geneva look cheap and all the agencies are planning for expansion in 2002.

I don't know about you Mr Editor but my bags are packed and as soon as you let me into the secret of the location of the other Majorca, I'm off.
PS: The only reason I dislike President Antich is that my shares in Gillete have taken a nose-dive since he came to office just as my old portfolio did after the ”Bay of Pigs” debacle. It has nothing to do with his performance thus far, as, as far as I can ascertain, there hasn't been one.

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