When Romeo Montague stood beneath that balcony in Verona doing his best to woo Juliet Capulet, I wonder if he’d considered the following? For instance, was he satisfied that Juliet had in fact, not objected to his vexatious and loud proclamations of undying love? Moreover, had she signed a proper consent form in triplicate with counter parental signatories, as we are told she was only 16 years-of-age and the youthful, muscular yearnings - of the slightly more mature Romeo may well have turned the poor girls head. No, I don’t think he did either.
Then one has to ask oneself if the young fellow had actually inquired as to Juliet’s current sexuality, given the fact that at her age we are assured that it is quite normal for a young person to realign his or her gender on a regular basis - thus, I have to conclude that young Romeo needed to urgently attend a gender awareness course before he tried on any more of his heterosexual malarkey on Juliet. I have to say that modern society seems to know how to put the ‘dead hand’ on romance in all its various guises, so as to satisfy certain perceived norms that some self-appointed groupings has placed before us.
Do you know, I actually feel sorry for young people nowadays as they try to negotiate what is - and what is not socially acceptable, as they seek to express their own sexuality whilst overbearing and self appointed social-scientists tick their boxes. Whisper it softly - romance and courtly love plays a central role in man’s desire to find happiness and sexual expression and it doesn’t need a fact-sheet from a po-faced polytechnic lecturer to show us how it is done.
A PAIR OF STAR CROSS’D LOVERS
I ’m glad I’ve got that out of the way, as I can now feel solidarity for those seeking romance in this third decade of the 21st century. Come on, how do you do it? I don’t mean ‘It’ - ‘It’ hasn’t changed since Noah was a lad - no, what I mean is this - how do people meet up nowadays, when for instance, I’m told that certain employers, made nervous by potential legal action, have effectively banned work colleagues from dating or conducting romances? Really! I like to think that here in Mallorca the hot latin blood of those attracted to each other would supersede any such nose-poking nonsense and those intending to interfere with human natures long relationship with sexual attraction and selection would be told to go-forth-and-multiply themselves.
Indeed, why is it that so many people are both fascinated and censorious as to a persons sexuality or indeed, his or her sex life? Personally, I couldn’t care less about a person’s sexuality as long as it doesn’t transgress the law in any way, is not inflicted on one person by another - and it doesn’t frighten the horses, Now where was I? I used a very old fashioned word in the first sentence of this piece and that was ‘woo.’ Does anyone actually woo anyone anymore? I think we need a lot more wooing, but I’m told that young people are too busy to woo. Anyway, it seems that my old standby - back in the day i.e. the risible chat-up line - is apparently making a comeback and it’s all to do with the modern obsession with irony.
It seems that if a young feller talks to a girl (or a boy - I’m so right-on aren’t I?) and ask her out on a date, everyone around falls about laughing at the tweeness of it all. This triggered a memory spasm that had me at the Top Rank Suite, Southampton, in my late teens trudging up to yet another couple of girls dancing around their handbags chewing gum - You dancing? - I would utter in that time honoured fashion, an imperious look would follow from her and her mate - “You askin?” they would chorus, before they had a chance to run their eyes over the desperate sight of me and my mate Roger - Yeah - we would chorus - “Nah” they would say smirking at our crestfallen faces. To this day, my mate Roger is convinced that Southampton was at the very centre of lesbianism when it was first invented in the early 1970’s.
GOOD NIGHT, GOOD NIGHT! PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORRY
SO how do people meet up romantically nowadays without someone being arrested for harassment? Surely that’s the whole point of courtship isn’t it; you know, do you want to come out with me for dinner, or the pictures (stop sniggering) or would you rather wash your hair? If she says no - as is my former experience - does it mean that if you ask her again next month the police will turn up your house and give you a formal warning; how does it work I wonder. Rather confusingly, it seems that people increasingly find each other online, which I would have thought was actually a very dodgy thing to do.
For example, if you meet a bloke in a bar, if he’s a creep, it shows within 30 seconds - and you can tell him to get lost. But if you date online, surely people can pretend to be who they want to be; yet those looking for romance seem to favour this method. Come on, has any slime-ball ever failed to be taken on by one of those ‘executive’ dating sites once they’ve handed over their dosh? I bet that more than a few of these online dates has ended with the innocent party escaping through that small toilet window in the ladies loo. Perhaps I should leave it there - as I don’t want to get into even more trouble than I’m in at the moment!