Real Mallorca return afteranunbeaten threegamepre- seasonin Germany | Majorca Daily Bulletin reporter

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After a weekend when I overheard the following being asked in a local eatery – Customer “Is your tuna fish in the salad line caught or net caught ?” Back came the reply “When I get it, madam, its in a tin !” – Real Mallorca returned to the island on Saturday night after an unbeaten three-game, pre-season tour in Germany. Granted, we drew all of them, one against a Bundesliga side and the other two, fourth division outfits. The German sides were three weeks ahead of us in pre-season fitness levels, and played with more settled line-ups. Coach “Chapi” Ferrer said he was pleased with the trip but wanted the team to be a bit more offensive and press higher up the pitch.

I've already had some feedback with regard to “Chapi” being the correct choice as coach for Mallorca and even more ramblings about the players being signed by director of football Miguel Angel Nadal not what they'd expected. Someone (who'll definitely remain anonymous) said that the players signed were not good enough for a promotion push ?!!! I find all this cynicism quite unbelievable, especially when you take into consideration a ball hasn't been kicked in earnest yet. Personally, I'm all in favour of “Chapi” and the new players who've come in with the money that was available in the kitty. Even some of the usual doom merchants in the local press have been having a pop to add to the negativity. I've been up at Son Moix several times in the last few days and there's definitely an expectant buzz about the place, with just under a month still to go.

Pre-season games (of which we have two more at the end of the week in Holland) are generally a joke and always will be, especially when coaches pick 22 players then play all of them during 90 minutes. It's a period of training to recover fitness levels followed by games which mean absolutely nothing results wise. There are a lot of frustrated Mallorca supporters out there who are sick of watching the long, slow murder of their football club. This is why I think this will change because I believe we have the right management team in place and the players capable of getting promotion.

Don't forget season tickets are on sale now at the club offices which are open all day during the week from 09:30 until 19:30. If you're a football fan living on the island buy a ticket, the top price is only 175 euros, which includes all league and cup matches plus B team games up at the Son Bibiloni. Proper fans need the passion of watching LIVE football, not to be sat in a bar watching Sky or BT.

I just want to see a winning team well organised and with a realistic chance of making it back to the big time. The only snag is there are at least another six teams with exactly the same idea ! Building a new team as Ferrer's doing takes time and doesn't happen overnight but the hope must be there, that it will happen. Mallorca can't be a super top team because of budget restraints but the feeling generated is of hope, dreams and emotion.

News yesterday concerned the arrival of club legend Ariel Ibagaza on the island for his Summer holidays. He's requested to join in training sessions with a view to being assessed by the coach. There's no question “Cano” would be made more than welcome but at 38 years old it's a big ask – we shall see ? Juventus have apparently offered to loan Real Mallorca six of their youth team players for next season, another conundrum to think about.

With centre half Lucas Aveldaño expected to sign on the dotted line either tomorrow or Thursday the backbone of the team will be South American. Aveldaño and the Brazilian Hugo Games will be first choice, which probably means Guillem Truyols will be released, leaving Kasim Adams and the German player Tobias as back up.

Goalkeeping duties will be between Cabrero and Timon, with Oriol, Company and Campabadal as the full backs. Mid-field looks to be Hector Yuste, Javi Ros (who had a great German tour), Moutinho and Brazilian Lima. Neither Yuste nor Arana has had a proper pre-season yet as they recover from injury but I expect Arana to play on the left flank with Pereira on the right.

Up front it's between Luis Carioca, promised new signing “Torito” Acuna and Joselu. Youngsters in attack, Cedric and Brandon Thomas, are now members of the first team squad and will get their chance some time in the season. There's still a possibility players like Bustos, Fofo and Assulin will leave before 31st August as the season draws ever closer.

One ex Mallorca player has just got himself a First Class degree in medical genetics from Swansea University's medical school, his name is Guillermo Bauza better known as just Bussy. He was a fantastic talent when he played for our “B” team in the late '90s. His footballing future looked assured until the final game of the season at the Luis Sitjar in 1998 when he ruptured his cruciate ligaments in the last minute of the game. As the referee blew for full time, Bussy was lying on the pitch and everybody thought he was celebrating Mallorca's promotion. It turned out it was a particularly nasty injury and he was out of the game for a very long time. Playing his way back into the limelight at Espanyol, he then in 2007 was signed by Swansea City managed by Roberto Martinez. Bussy scored two goals for the “Swans” against Gillingham in 2008 that secured promotion for the Welsh side to the championship on their way to the Premier League. He still plays football for Merthyr Town in the Welsh league alongside his studies and was recently featured on the local TV station IB3 programme “Cracks Per Mon” (heroes of the world) which showed him at work in Swansea University. He was big mates with Binissalem-born Miguel Angel Moya who's now at At. Madrid.

AND FINALLY, the CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interview and testing were done, there were three potential assassins on the shortlist – two men and a woman. For the final test the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun and the following instructions : “We know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair – you must kill her.” The first man answered “You cannot be serious, I could never shoot my wife !” The agent told him “Then you are not the right man for this job, take your wife and go.” The second man was given the same instructions, he took the gun and went into the room. All went quiet for five minutes then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, I really tried, but I cannot kill my wife.” The agent said “You don't have what it takes, so you and your wife may leave.” Finally it was the woman's turn. She was given the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. Then screaming, crashing and banging on the walls. After a few minutes it all went silent. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping her brow. “Whew...the gun was loaded with blanks – I had to kill him with the chair !”