Dejected Mallorca players troop off after the disastrous first match of the season. | @DaniMullor Fotofutsal

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Real Mallorca made a humiliating start to their centennial season by losing 2-0 away at Alcorcon on Saturday night. It was far from all right on the opening night for the islanders who had no spark, no creativity and were completely devoid of ideas. This was our third successive first game defeat in three seasons, and I'm racking my brains to think of a more inept first game performance that was dished up cold by Real Mallorca in Madrid. It grieves me to report that we were painful to watch, and had no ideas, no game plan, a striker (who wasn't really a striker) who never saw the ball, and worse still, yet another fragile defensive performance.

Young German centre back Tobias Hennebole looked like a duck out of water but it would be unfair to make him the scapegoat, all ten others were equally to blame. Our first competitive game under the auspices of “Chapi” Ferrer was quite simply – woeful. His attempt to cobble together a side capable of taking Mallorca to promotion suffered a severe setback at the weekend, and on Saturday's showing we'll be lucky to stay up. Thankfully there are still 41 arduous games to go!

When our line-up was announced I was astounded and had heart palpitations when I saw that Ferrer had picked Fofo as our lone striker. This guy couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo and against Alcorcon he yet again proved that point. Just why the coach left newly-signed striker Coro back in Palma then kept our other new striker Acuña on the bench for an hour is beyond me. Another strange selection was playing Edu Campabadal who was signed as a left back but played in mid-field on Saturday. Alcorcon were by far the better side and took the lead on the quarter hour mark when their leading scorer from last season, David Rodriguez, put the home side ahead after a catalogue of defensive errors from the Palma side, 1-0. His namesake, Chema Rodriguez, then put the game out of sight for the Madrid team in the 58th minute with our defence standing around looking at each other, 2-0. Game over.

There was rumoured to be a meeting on Sunday, after the dust had settled on our unmitigated Alcorcon disaster, between owner/president Utz Claassen, who was furious after the game about our lack of effort and was particularly damning with regard to Fofo's lack of interest and intent. He stated he wants Fofo out of the club along with another hot-and-cold striker, Joselu (who didn't even travel), as soon as possible. Director of football, Miguel Angel Nadal, has now got a priority to bring in three players, an experienced central defender, a proven goal-scoring striker and a creative midfielder. As the transfer window shuts next Sunday night, Nadal has to work fast as time is against us.

We didn't have a single shot on target during 93 minutes of football on Saturday night, we didn't create even a half-chance and the home team could have played without a goalkeeper and still won! At his post match press conference Ferrer said: “It was a complicated game and coming here to Alcorcon is never easy. They are a very intense team which leaves you little time to think. We weren't able to generate our game but I liked the attitude. If new signings come in we'll be happy – we have to improve and there is always a margin for doing this”. (No sh*t, Sherlock!) One local journalist said Ferrer's comments were an insult to Mallorquinistas' intelligence, especially when the coach commented he was happy with some of the performances.

Next up is our first home game of the season (when a 100% improvement is hoped for) against Ponferradina at the Son Moix on Sunday 30th August, kick off 8:30 pm. As expected, the local media have been full of condemnation regarding Mallorca's performance after just one game. There's even premature talk about Armageddon.