After a weekend when the debate over badger culling raged on – the Daily Mail commented that the late eighth Earl of Arran, who was active in badger protection and homosexual reform, once said his joint aims were to prevent the b*******g of badgers and the badgering of b*****s – Real Mallorca stay sunk at the bottom in the dark depths of Spain’s Liga Adelante after yet another abysmal performance saw them lose 3-0 to Sporting Gijon on Sunday.
Towards the end of our relegation season last May, I wrote that "This Mallorca side were the worst I’d ever seen in over 30 years." Fast forward a few short months and I retract that statement. This present team (if you can call them that) are far and away the WORST I’ve ever witnessed. They were embarrassing to watch on Sunday and I was close to tears at the end.
Capitulation doesn’t even come close as we never had one shot from open play which went anywhere near the Sporting goalkeeper.
Things didn’t get off to the best possible start when our centre-back Agus was shown a straight red card after just 14 minutes. His tackle on the Sporting player looked to be a yellow card offence but – shock, horror – the referee sent him off.
Later viewing showed Agus’s tackle could have been a leg-breaker and the official made the correct decision. That incident changed the whole complexion of the game. When Agus was dismissed, Mallorca’s right back Ximo gave the referee an earful and he was booked for being gobby.
Ten minutes after Agus had first squeeze of the Head and Shoulders, came the home side’s first goal. Like so many of the 11 goals we’ve conceded so far this season, Gijon’s opener came from a corner. Our defence could only clear the ball to Hugo Fraile and he volleyed home, 1-0.
Sporting dominated proceedings with Mallorca unable to string two passes together and looking like a team in crisis, which they are.
Coach Oltra introduced new signings Perez, Miguel Garcia and Marti Riverola but all of them didn’t look anywhere near peak fitness. Garcia was lucky to stay on the pitch after at least three mis-timed tackles and looked at fault for two of the three goals.
But the player has been short of match practice this Summer so he has at least some excuse. Established stars like Nunes and Victor looked shadows of the players we’ve seen over the years and the latter looked lost in a fog of uncertainty.
After the break, Mallorca struggled to keep it together. Geromel, who should be out of Mallorca by the time this article goes to press, came on for Riverola but he only made things worse by perpetually fouling.
In the 66th minute, with the Palma defence all over the place, Barrera tapped in Gijon’s second, a simple goal for the Asturian team, 2-0. Just before that goal, Ximo was dismissed after pulling an opponent’s shirt. That meant for the second game running Real Mallorca were reduced to nine men and now had no chance of getting anything out of this debacle.
Sporting’s Scepovic left Nunes slipping on the ground to hit home another soft goal, 3-0.
Minutes later the referee did us all a favour by blowing for time before Gijon could inflict further torture on a demoralised Mallorca.
Our start to this campaign is the worst ever – three defeats from three games, 11 goals conceded, two scored, at least a dozen yellow cards shown and 4 dismissals. These are appalling statistics.
When technical director and chief shareholder Lorenzo Serra Ferrer takes his seat in the "palco" (director’s box) on Saturday, he is going to be given a really rough ride – and rightly so.
As if the results aren’t bad enough, the whole dynamism of the team is like their league position – rock bottom.
On Saturday at 6 pm we play Madrid side Alcorcon, who are leading in La Segunda. Mallorca need to improve, and quickly. We’ve gone from the top three in La Liga to the foot of La Segunda in 12 months. Another heavy defeat and we could also be looking for a new coach.
His position is becoming more difficult and he must now get Real Mallorca out of the present rut they find themselves in. Failure to do that and his jacket’s on a shaky peg.
I’ve never had so many phone calls after an away game. Amongst the callers was Tom from Puerto Andraitx who said "Serra Ferrer’s building a team for the second division not for promotion." Clearly local fans this early in the season have had enough of the mess at both administrative and playing levels.
AND FINALLY
Beware the Older Woman.
"I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked well fit for a 61-year-old. In fact she was the best looking ‘Grab a Granny’ contestant I’d seen in ages and it got me wondering if she could have a really hot daughter.
"We drank a bit, and had a little snuggle and she asked if I’d ever had a ‘Sportsman’s Double.’
"Confused, I answered ‘What’s that?’ She started kissing my ear and saying ‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome !’
"I said ‘No, never,’ excitedly.
"We drank a bit more then my heart started racing when she whispered ‘Tonight’s your lucky night.’
"’Wow, ‘I thought, ‘Christmas has come early’ as I went back to her place.
"She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs, ‘Mum, you still awake?’"
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