Answering the ‘English Question’ is key to Cameron staying as PM

Whisps of highland mist still swirl over the great Scottish referendum result – and will continue to do so for some considerable time, methinks – but glimmers of clarity are breaking through the haze.
   On the lighter side, Prince Franz of Bavaria, heir to the Stuart dynasty, will not replace The Queen as Scotland’s monarch as once rumoured and – three cheers! – Piers Morgan is leaving Britain.
   The unctuous chat-show host promised he’d shove off as his personal thank-you if the No vote prevailed. It did, so I suggest Rockall would be a fitting destination, since it’s uninhabited and he can talk to himself all day long and discover what we all know: he’s a snotty, egotistical bore.
   Other oddball news: CNN’s exit poll called the referendum result 58% to 52% in favour of Yes.
 Not only a wildly inaccurate projection, it casts doubt on Americans ability to master simple percentages – unless, that is, uniquely there are 110% of Scots in Scotland.
   Meanwhile, Labour leader, Ed Miliband, apparently represents a Scottish constituency in Doncaster North (yes, you heard it correctly).
   The Yorkshire town was ceded to the Scots around 900 years ago as part of the Treaty of Durham, after King David pillaged large areas of northern England and Doncaster remained in Scottish hands for 21 years until Henry II reclaimed it in 1157.
  The treaty, however, was never formally revoked, which will come as a thunderbolt to many proud Tykes I know, who’d always believed they were inhabiting God’s Own County, not some Celtic Gibraltar.
   Absurd as this seems, it might do Ed a power of good.
 As the representative of an ostensible Scottish constituency in England, he’ll still be able to vote, if – as that semi-Jock, David Cameron, has threatened – Scots MPs in Westminster are barred from voting on matters affecting only the English.
   This, you see, is the Prime Minister’s canny solution to the West Lothian Question, as posed by Left-wing firebrand, Tam Dalyell, the then Labour MP for the Scottish seat.
   In a 1977 House of Commons debate on devolution, he asked, ‘For how long will English MPs tolerate at least 119 Honourable Members from Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland exercising an important, and probably often decisive, effect on English politics, while they themselves have no say in the same matters in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland?’
   This idiosyncrasy has assumed fresh gravitas, as the Scottish Parliament is poised to receive extensive new powers – including setting its own levels of income tax and VAT – so Cameron has delegated sorting out the ‘English Question’ to his ex-Foreign Minister, William Hague, and a draft bill is due by 25 January, aptly Burns Night.   
   Legislation can then be passed before next spring’s General Election.
   Behind this haste to beat the 7 May  polling deadline lies a fiendish Tory plot that’s left Miliband ambushed and outraged, casting a shroud over the Labour’s Party annual knees-up, last week in Manchester.
   A nobbled Ed complains Cameron is ‘playing politics’ following the Scottish No victory, but isn’t that exactly the rough, old trade both chose to follow.
   Miliband’s dread is if Labour wins only a narrow majority in the next parliament, thanks to retaining its 40 MPs north of the border, he’ll be a stymied, partial PM, his writ on domestic policy extending no further than England (more so if Welsh and Northern Irish MPs also get the block put on them).
   Additionally, Cameron’s ploy could outflank UKIP, the self-styled English liberation army, even if it forces a constitutional crisis the likes of which a country that doesn’t even boast a written constitution has never seen.
   Unsurprisingly, Conservative MPs – especially the unhinged, Eurosceptic fringe – are salivating like rabid dogs over the prospect of English votes for English laws, since all but nine of Cameron’s current crop of 304 represent constituencies in England against Miliband’s total of 256 spread across the UK.
   Nor are some Labourites blind to the idea of ‘freedom’ for England, a question Red Ed dodged 13 times on last Sunday’s BBC1 Andrew Marr show.
   Former minister, Ben Bradshaw, called for the party to ‘grasp the nettle’ of English home rule, adding there was an ‘innate and accurate feeling’ in the country that the ‘imbalance is unfair.’
   Meanwhile, many Tories also want to see an end to the Barnett Formula or block grant, another piece of hoary, esoteric legislation that leaves the average voter utterly bamboozled.
   As Chief Secretary to the Treasury from 1974 to 1977, Joel Barnett – an accountant by trade and now Lord Barnett of Heywood and Royton – was Denis Healey’s bagman in the Callaghan government and tasked with the job of adjusting the amount of Whitehall largesse doled out to the UK’s four regions.
   I won’t trouble you with the gobbledygook of the Formula, since, like me, you’d suddenly be overcome by the desire to have a siesta or commit hara-kiri.
The net result, though, is Scotland received over £1,600 per head more than England and even the now ancient peer admits it’s unfair and should be scrapped or revised.
   Cameron says he won’t touch it. But, should his stewardship extend beyond 2015, my bet is he’ll face a full-blow revolt from his own backstabbers if it isn’t at least tinkered with.
   What there’s no escaping, however, is the notion of federalism is fast resonating with voters, who are concluding all regions of the UK can achieve more for them if they have governments or assemblies to fight their personal corner.
   Labour, the midwife of devolution, is none too chuffed about the prospect and Miliband studiously avoided it when addressing the faithful last Wednesday in what should have been a rousing, pre-election call to arms.
   In a 78-minute speech so insipid he made Gordon Brown look charismatic, Ed concentrated almost solely on the NHS and – by his own admission – forgot to mention most of Labour’s key policy platforms.
   But he’s really a highly cerebral, decent bloke, who’d make a great Prime Minister, Miliband’s intimates insist.
  The problem is he has less than eight months to convince voters of that. And, so far, few are impressed.
   
 To read more of Hugh Ash’s comments, follow his online blog – Views From The Mallorca Pier – at hughash.wordpress.com