Rowdy tourists.

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Palma.—I think the majority of all British tourists heading to our shores would agree that bad behaviour will not be tolerated...but have the local authorities gone a bit too far? Are they taking the fun out of a Mallorca holiday? Some restaurants and bars no longer allow tourists to wear football shirts or items which have been bought from streets vendors!! What next? You will have to dress for dinner? One piece bathing suits will replace the bikini? You can even get fined for smoking on the beach. Playa de Palma and Magalluf even have a restricted booze allowance on all inclusive holidays. The local authorities love rules and regulations. No-one appears to escape them. You can only have three cruise ships in port in Palma at any one time, no new hotels can be built and you can´t rent a holiday apartment in Palma. I do not doubt that these regulations have been introduced for a reason but the international media is not as understanding as the rest of us in Mallorca. “Now Mallorca bans football shirts” was one headline in a UK newspaper recently. In fact, Mallorca is getting the reputation where everything is being banned (well in theory!). A gentle reminder to the local authorities ...we live from tourism and if would-be tourists feel that they are going to Stalag 4 they will go elsewhere. Simple as that!

Palma.— I felt rather sorry for a British couple last week. They were sitting on the beach near me enjoying a drink and a sandwich which they had purchased from the supermarket. It looked as if they were thoroughly enjoying themselves. After about a couple of hours they headed to a nearby beach bar with its sunbeds overlooking the sea. Paradise. They were quickly informed that each beach bed cost 20 euros for the day and that didn´t even include a drink. They stood their ground initially, but quickly vacated the bar when they saw the price of a beer or a cocktail. If they had stayed for a sunbed, drink and a sandwich the whole operation would have cost in excess of 150 euros. Paradise doesn´t come cheap!

Palma.— I was interviewed by a local radio station last week shortly after the resignation of Prime Minister Boris Johnson. An hour before the interview I mentally went through the questions which I suspected they would ask me. “Why had he resigned?” “Who would take over” were just some of the questions I thought I would get asked. I was completely wrong ... the main thrust of the interview was the Johnson hair. “Do you think he will get a hair cut now,” inquired the presenter... “do you think that he will comb his hair now that he is not Prime Minister” was another. Good old Boris, he may have been light on policy but he is certainly heavy on hair cuts!

Palma.— All is not well in Playa de Palma, which has taken the “mantle” as the naughty resort this summer, replacing Magalluf. Hoteliers are so concerned about the rowdy behaviour of tourists their staff are being trained by police in ways to deal with rowdy tourists. In fact, all tourists, who are mostly German, are asked to sign a “a good conduct statement” when they check in. It appears that this summer Playa de Palma is so rough there have been calls for cats to learn karate!

Madrid.—I do feel rather sorry for the British ambassador to Spain Hugh Elliott who is negotiating with the Spanish government the issue of British driving licences being valid in Spain. The issue is simple; if you are a resident you can´t exchange your UK driving licence for Spanish one. To be fair, the Spanish government did allow a period of grace for the changeover to take place but it was missed by some. The ambassador is now trying to negotiate with the Spanish government, which is proving to be a difficult task. Full marks to him; he is keeping expats fully briefed with regular updates on social media.

Bunyola.— Neighbours of Cristiano Ronaldo at his holiday home near Bunyola have breathed a sigh of relief now that he has left. According to some reports there was loud music playing at al times of the day. Not only did it interrupt their siesta they couldn’t get to sleep at night either.

Santa Ponsa.— Everyone who saw photos of the interior of Liverpool manager Jürgen Klopp´s new home in Santa Ponsa were rather baffled at the “wild animal theme” of the home. There were statues and figures of wild animals everywhere and the interior of the house looked more like a Kenyan mansion than a luxury Santa Ponsa villa. The answer is simple; the house was once owned by circus performers who had a love for wild African animals. I am told that Mr. Klopp has called in the decorators.

Santa Ponsa.— I have a cunning plan to get my young daughter to learn big numbers with many zeroes ... I just get her to look into the windows of local real estate companies.