Basket cases in Soller

There’s a new phenomenon in the Soller valley that has started to eclipse even those pesky electric scooters. It is the bike with a whopping big, enforced plastic basket at the front for storing your kids. Now, much as nippers might love the thrilling feeling of speeding along country roads in the depths of a giant basket or bucket, is it not rather unsafe? I know, there’s always a party pooper about but when I see these little cherubs without safety helmets leaning out of the basket, my heart leaps. The young mothers or fathers, like something out of an Alpen advert, speed along with radiant smiles and fair hair flowing with absolutely no helmet in sight. It would just take one small accident to overturn the bike and with no head protection, there could be tragic consequences. I think it should be made law that parents offer their nippers helmets, hopefully before a sad accident forces everyone to have a re-think.

Jail break

Apparently, prisons are so overcrowded in the UK that judges will now work hard to keep criminals out on the streets with leaner sentences offered or no sentences at all. Shoplifters already have carte blanche to rob their local high street stores with impunity and that seems to apply to private homes too.

Countless videos appear on TikTok and Facebook of thieves stealing bikes using sophisticated cutters and electric drills while security guards yawn and shoppers turn a blind eye. It must be so frustrating for those law breakers who work hard to get a prison sentence, a seemingly cushy number where you even get your own TV in a shared cell, hot showers, central heating, free meals of choice, gyms, libraries, and a place to stretch the old legs. You can even earn money to get yourself treats. Now, boring old Britain’s legal system is forcing these poor chaps back on the street to keep committing crimes rather than giving them a roof over their heads. Life can be tough on criminals.

As an animal lover, I do applaud local police forces in the UK for hunting down heinous citizens who kick cats away from the pavement and maltreat dogs but come on guys, that’s a bit of an easy pitch! All the same, I suppose few would truly warrant a prison sentence so a good bet for a local beat cop.

Much as it must be a bore to hunt down serious criminals and make arrests of unpleasant individuals who might be harbouring guns and knives, it is actually part of the job spec, lest they forget. Then again, if the baddies they catch can’t get a place in a prison, what’s the point of making an arrest?

Splendidly driving the point home about the shortage of prison spaces with his usual delicious satire, Matt, the Telegraph’s much-loved cartoonist, offered a brilliant cartoon recently. It was of a couple relocating, with the caption: “We’re moving to a house in the catchment of a good prison. It’s so hard to get a place these days.’ Ouch. May the faces of those in the British justice system burn in shame..

Illegal wonder

What a joy it was in the midst of such an onslaught of deeply unsettling, savage and distressing news, to learn about a ‘bogus’ Kenyan lawyer who masqueraded as an existing practising lawyer. Having somehow broken into the website of the country’s law society, he apparently took on the identity of another lawyer and used his name and credentials to represent those in the dock.

But here’s the thing, with no legal training whatsoever, this brilliant young man managed to win all 26 cases that he took on board. Images show a handsome, well dressed, and articulate man who having been caught, promised to show his innocence by explaining his motives in court. Maybe what he did was a felony but really, given his successes, shouldn’t the law society congratulate his ingenuity and offer him free legal training? Imagine what a tour de force this silver-tongued genius could be in the future? I’m not sure of the state of Kenyan prisons, but if they’re as packed as those in Britain, keeping him out of one would surely be doing everyone a favour.

Dancing in the street

Is it really so strange to dance along the street as you listen to music on your iPods? Apparently so. I am always jiggling along to my favourite eighties and nineties sounds as I pound the pavement, but I’ve been caught out a few times by locals. What on earth were you doing? admonished one of my favourite staff at the bakery. She told me her daughter was shocked. So what, I replied. I’m not hurting anyone and I’m not singing. I listened to the tutting and shaking of heads though a few customers told me I was within my rights to look like a complete nutter. She’s not hurting anyone, one of my elderly neighbours said. Besides, said another, she’s a writer. Of course! That’s why I was dancing along the street in broad daylight. It’s what we writers do, don’t you know?