I don’t know if it is only me, but - I have become somewhat of a connoisseur when it comes to face-mask styling and presentation. Firstly, there is the way that people wear their masks. We have for instance, the chinstrap look, where the mask covers only a persons chin, which if you think about it rather misses the whole point of the exercise.
Then we have the ‘nasal nasties’ who are either unable, or incapable of covering their nose with a mask. However, they are not as bad as the ‘ear-hangers’ and the ‘neck-brace and necklace’ brigade. Nor indeed - those of us who like to wear the masks in the manner of a watch-strap. I have also noticed that the more fashion conscious of us like to create the cool looking bandit in a scarf look - and perhaps the - ‘why not wear your mask on the back of your head and resemble a complete moron look?’ While I’m at it, has anyone else noticed that car drivers seem to favour hanging their masks on their rear-view mirrors as a rather jaunty style statement and for easy access. In looking at the whole face-mask ‘thing’ - it is noticeable that some people are turning their masks into a bit of a fashion statement.
Whilst many of us go for the bog-standard and cheap blue mask - or, the industrial strength one’s with a pointy bit at the front - stylised masks are all the rage with colourful designs and some that feature animals! Indeed, some folk like to model their masks on breeds of dogs i.e. French pugs, Alsatians - or perhaps a Cocker-poodle, if you see what I mean? I have also noticed that vain women have taken to wearing very alluring eye-liner and huge false eyelashes and like to narrow their eyes at a chap in a very sexy manner. Men, mainly look gormless in masks - or, more accurately, more gormless than usual.
Nevertheless, I think that facemarks could be here to stay, Coronavirus or not. You see a face-mask is an ideal excuse to ignore somebody you don’t like, or can’t be bothered to talk to. “Oh it’s you, I’m sorry I didn’t recognise you in that mask!” Lies, lies and more lies if you ask me. Mind you, some people can appear more than a little weird as they whip off the aforementioned mask for the great reveal - as if you didn’t know it was them by the waddling gait, unfortunate hairdo and that nasty tattoo.
I have also noticed that face-masks and the wearing of them has become the number one subject of serious debate amongst almost everyone. Ugly spats and name calling erupt on social-media on a regular basis and everyone, and I mean everyone, has a view, conspiracy theory - or, medical opinion about them. Mind you my friends, when all this palaver is over, I reckon a good percentage of the population will want to stick with face-masks as they create an air of mystery, and as I was told recently by a woman friend - “They save you a small fortune in face makeup.” For most men, they can also hint at chiseled good looks, whilst never revealing the ugly truth!
Can we draw a veil over that please?
I am determined to wage war against a certain type of person, who in recent times has become even more vocal and commonplace than ever before.Who do I speak of you may ask? Well, I would categorise them, to use a modern term, as those amongst us who are determined to share - way-too-much personal information. Have these folk no shame? I don’t talk of illegal stuff, mores the pity - just small intimate details that have me cringing with embarrassment.
For instance, recently in a national newspaper - columnist and radio presenter Vanessa Feltz, declared that not only did she never envisage retirement, but apparently she was still as keen as mustard to have sex with her much younger partner as much as possible. I confess, I had to read that bit about sex a couple of times and then had to lie down for a while. Anyway, nobody nowadays seems to want to draw a discreet veil over any private activity they might be indulging in.
Dear Lord, I have been following the Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard libel court-case online, and I have to say that they fully deserve each other, what with their, ahem - shared excesses in all manner of things. Indeed, such is their lack of any sort of self-awareness, they have appeared to have achieved the impossible i.e. we all dislike them five times more than we did already. Genius! Increasingly, I am finding myself resenting almost anyone sharing with me either their views on life, love and the universe - or the angst that they are suffering from after doing something extremely stupid in full view of the Sun newspaper.
Indeed, no Sunday interview in a broadsheet paper is complete nowadays without a weepy confession about something or another. But why this sudden fashion for slightly needy self-flagellation? Perhaps that wasn’t quite the term I was groping for - but onward and upwards! Anyway, I’m sure you know what I mean and equally I hope that you share my desire for a little bit of discretion on occasions. Show-business people are by definition attention-seekers, so whenever they appear in print or on a television interview sofa somewhere they just can’t help themselves can they? For heavens sake, you name it and they will confess to anything as long as they get themselves interviewed on ITV’s Good Morning Britain by that lovely chap Piers Morgan.