Don’t worry, it’s almost over!

Picture the scene - I am fast asleep when I am awoken by a light coming through the bedroom window curtains. Good Lord - I mutter, as it must be coming up to 8(ish) with the light as bright as that. As I rub my eyes I grope for my watch that was bedside the bed and noticed that the time was approaching half past eight - blimey, I thought, time to get up and with one bound I was out of bed and shaking Julie awake, for there was much to do - i.e. that expensively purchased turkey wasn’t going to stuff itself now was it? As we sat up in bed, she suddenly began to doubt my skill at telling-the-time rather like you would with a rather dim six year old. “Let me look at your watch” she exclaimed - “You’ve read it upside down, It’s only 1am you silly old fool” No, it’s not, look at the light outside, I blustered. It then got worse. “That outside light is the security lights coming on because of the wind, it always does that.”

Naturally enough, we couldn’t get back to sleep - and I’m afraid to say that wonderful woman that she is - Julie does tend to bear grudges. Anyway, where was I? I have to say that I always feel sorry for people who have a birthday over the Christmas holiday period don’t you? My own brother’s birthday was on the 27th December, unfortunately like many times over the years the chances are that most of our family and his friends will have forgotten it as usual. Not me however, not this year anyway - as I was determined to remember his special day for the first time in er, er, about 43 years I reckon. So, if you are like my much, much, younger brother, and you are celebrating a birthday between Christmas and New Year, may I wish you a very Happy Birthday on behalf of all your despicable family and friends, who more than likely, have forgotten your birthday yet again - the complete b*******.

However, it seems that I forgot to put a stamp on the aforementioned envelope, which I suppose rather invalidates my holier-than-thou attitude on this subject. Whilst on the subject of Christmas and all its works - may I point out to you that today we are on the point of leaving the post Christmas and pre New Year period known to me as the Twilight Zone. Indeed, If you are lucky, you will have to be at work - because joking aside, nobody ever knows what to do with themselves in the Twilight Zone. By today you are sick of the sight of everyone; an ill-advised attempt at a Christmas carol could see you punched in the face and believe it or not, nobody is interested in the fun jumper you had bought for yourself just seven days ago. A great deal of joy was generated in my household the other day when I happened to mention that I had decided that I hadn’t planned to stay out late night dining or/and partying this New Year because er, - basically I can’t be arsed. Oh how she laughed - as it seems the last time we did such a thing was on New Year’s Eve 1994.

Wishing all Bulletin readers - a Happy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year to you all.