Mallorca's Mexican coach Javier Aguirre. | Majorca Daily Bulletin reporter

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After a week when a workman on the Paseo Maritimo building site in Palma was condemned for squashing an innocent snail with his foot – when asked why he did it, the workman said “It’s been following me around all day!” – Real Mallorca reached their objective of staying in La Liga (for a third successive season) with four games left to play after their 1-0 win against Cadiz last Friday night.

Next up is an away fixture against Almeria in their Power Horse stadium tomorrow night (Saturday 20th), kick off 18:30. Almeria won the second division last season but have struggled this term and find themselves in the relegation zone where five points separate five teams with Elche already relegated.

For an unfashionable club like RCD Mallorca with a modest salary limit, to be in 12th place on 44 points with four games left to play is no mean feat.

This time last year we were third bottom on 32 points and lost 2-6 to Granada. We were a broken team and it looked all over for us but, somehow, with the appointment of the 63-year-old vastly experienced Mexican coach Javier Aguirre, we survived.

Aguirre is what’s known as a “defensive coach” and has been criticised by many (me included !) for his excessively conservative approach, but needs must and he has turned the Palma side into one of the best defensive outfits in top flight Spanish football.

In bunker Son Moix this season we’ve beaten Real Madrid, Atletico Madrid, Almeria, Valladolid, Celta and Cadiz, all by a narrow 1-0 margin. We haven’t once been in the relegation zone all season. Without being excessively brilliant, Mallorca under Aguirre have won 12, drawn 8 and lost 14, scoring 33 and conceding 37 goals. Importantly, we’ve also kept 11 clean sheets thanks to a rock solid back five and a goalkeeper in Serbian Predrag Rajkovic who’s been one of the main attributes to us staying up.

One local commentator wrote last weekend that Aguirre has a “doctorate in the art of nothing happening” for most of the game ! Our disciplinary record shows how competitive we’ve become with 115 yellow cards and we’re the second side that commits the most fouls (behind Real Sociedad) with 558. What do you mean that makes us a “dirty” team ?!

Individuals like Kang In Lee and Vedat Muriqi have revelled in Aguirre’s system with the former given a free reign which has been unleashed big time this season. The South Korean has been the star of the show for months and is the player with the highest individual quality in the squad. Muriqi has won over the fans with his dedication, fight and ability to terrorise many first division defences. He’s also been one of our best defenders !!

With permanency guaranteed, it’s time to renew Aguirre’s contract. It looks likely he’ll be given another year plus another optional. Aguirre and his staff will be given a notable salary increase. Over the next few weeks there’s going to be lots going on at the Son Moix – watch this space.

BLAST FROM THE PAST

On May 20, 1999, Villa Park hosted the 39th (and last) European Cup Winners Cup before it was consumed into the UEFA/Europa League.

The final battle was between Rome side Lazio and Real Mallorca. We battled our way through four rounds of two-legged ties before reaching the final in Birmingham. On the way we knocked out Hearts, Genk, Varteks (Croatia) and some outfit called Chelsea!

The second leg of the Chelsea game in the old Luis Sitjar saw yours truly come out on cloud nine. Over and above our 1-0 win, the guy sitting next to me rolled the biggest spliff I’d ever seen and proceeded to puff the smoke in my direction; even Denis Wise looked handsome in the second half ! Like the Chelsea game, local fans were buzzing with excitement as little Real Mallorca reached their first ever European final.

Lazio then were managed by Sven Goran Eriksson and were the world’s most expensively assembled team. 10,000 Mallorca fans were about to transport some Latin passion to the heart of England. Some of these Mallorca fans decided to take the cheapest option, to get to “Brum” by boat and coach and arrived at Villa Park – just before half time!

Lazio opened the scoring after six minutes but we drew level five minutes later, 1-1. At half time I just had to try this new invention, Balti pies. With my first bite into the soggy pastry, lashings of hot, spicy gravy went all over my new Spanair commemorative Mallorca jersey. Lazio were by now well in charge and it was no surprise when Nedved hit a “worldy” near the end and our dream was over.

When the team got back to Palma they were given a hero’s welcome at the old Terminal B. Our modest Argentinian coach Hector Cuper had taken Real Mallorca to their, then, greatest achievement, dismantling and building two squads in his time here. A few days later, much to the dismay of local fans, Cuper was snapped up by Valencia where he went on to be a legend, as he was here.

AND FINALLY, Paddy buys a chainsaw which guarantees to cut down 40 trees in an hour. He sets to work but at best he can only cut 10 trees in an hour. So he takes it back to the shop and tells the owner “Dis ting doesn’t cut 40 trees in an hour, ’cos I’ve only done TEN !” With that the shopkeeper pulls the cord and starts up the chainsaw. Looking bewildered, Paddy exclaims “Beejesus, what’s dat noise ?”