I am upbraided for failing to source a certain type of pasta, or break down under questioning about my 'strange choice" of flavoured yoghurt . | Reuters


How's it going then? Yep, the same here - more than a touch of cabin fever, plus the full gamut of mood swings from irritatingly cheerful to full-on morose. For instance, why is it that some days will fly-by - then the next basic 24 hours takes an eternity to complete, and furthermore if you are anything like me - you just can't settle. Yes, that's it, my mind is all over the place leaping from one subject to another and then back again within moments. You would think that - as I enjoy reading, I would be devouring books at a rate of knots at the moment wouldn't you? Well, no actually and it's not for the want of trying, but at the last count, I have four books on-the-go' and I can't get into any of them. From Bruce Forsyth's 20 year old showbiz autobiography to a much lauded, modern classic, written by Sebastian Faulks - via a huge (in terms of pages!) blockbuster novel - that alas, has been cobbled together with the assistance of a group of deeply unimaginative stenographers, it's just not happening for me. It is the same with watching the television; I am constantly distracted by nothing in particular -just the average awfulness of free-to-air television until way past my bedtime, which I have to confess, varies from 8pm on a bad night - to 9.30pm on a good night. Indeed, what would I do without Netflix and my local Co-operative stores Romanian Shiraz that refuses to drink itself?

It’s just like Brexit really!

Now to a particularly tricky subject - as in... Are you getting on each other’s nerves as you try to sit-out Covid-19? If you live with another in a one bedroom apartment, I feel your pain. Because, even in a sprawling mansion, the chances are that at some time you will get on each other’s nerves during this lockdown. Here in the UK, the terms of our lockdown are not as draconian as those in Majorca, but even so - in our modest townhouse, as we go into the 2nd week of limited movement (or is it 3rd week?) for sanity's sake we ‘pre-book' the rooms we will be occupying, so as to alleviate the possibility of constantly getting on each other’s wick. 'Where are you going this afternoon?" she will enquire - 'I thought I'd shout at the television in the kitchen/diner this afternoon if you don't mind my love" - was my reply, and so violence and ill temper was thus avoided. I also believe that, couples in particular, must be careful when engaging in conversation whilst in lockdown. For me, it would be a bit like endlessly discussing Brexit - just don't. Moreover, it's probably not a good idea to ask - 'Who do you think would be really great to be married to in a crisis?" Nor is it essential that you ask your partner when he (yes he!) has an innocent glass of wine in his hand - 'It's a bit early to start boozing isn't it?"

A Dressing Down?

For my female readers, you might ask yourself why your male other-half always wants to know where you are and what you are doing at any given time. You might also ask him not to sit down heavily on the sofa and grunt when he is seeking attention - this usually happens when you are in the middle of a 37 minute WhatsApp phone conversation with a friend and he resents you being interested in anyone else but him. True I'm afraid. However, to be fair about all this, you could stop monitoring his consumption of crisps/food in general and the aforementioned booze intake - we all know that we will emerge from this crisis carrying more than a little ‘extra timber' so let's not exaggerate and make all sorts of unpleasant ‘sizeist' statements shall we? However, I believe there to be only one rule whilst in lockdown, and it should be embodied in law. Anyone caught in pyjamas, nightgowns, or a nasty dressing gown after 10.00hrs should be arrested and then quite possibly shot for unlawfully undermining the morale of society during these difficult times.

The designated shopper

As I am the designated shopper in our household, it is my responsibility to - er, shop for our household on certain days. A comprehensive list of food and drink items is provided for me by other internees and off I go every day or so to see what I can get. Mostly, I do okay, but it is annoying sometimes when I am upbraided for failing to source a certain type of pasta, or break down under questioning about my 'strange choice" of flavoured yoghurt and propensity to come back home with lots of things you last ate at school in the 60's - such as a box of Turkish Delight - which, funnily enough, I was b******* for buying, but have never seen again! This is how I discovered that the women of the household have a ‘secret stash' somewhere hidden away from me, as apparently - 'You will only eat it" which if you think about it, is rather obtuse to say the least. I have to admit to one side-effect of this pandemic that I rather approve of- is the fact that people are actually talking to each other on the phone. I know Big Deal! - but, in the recent past we seem to have been slowly drawn into ‘messaging' family and friends rather than talking-to-them voice-to-voice as it were. Not anymore though - I phone our kids and others on an every other day basis, to share...nothing really I suppose - but I enjoy it anyway.